In today’s post, we explore the benefits of using positive language around under-fives. All too often, it’s tempting to say ‘No!’, ‘Stop that!’ or even ‘Don’t Eat That!’ and similar around little ones. This is particularly true when you want them to cease the offending activity urgently or are simply exhausted if it’s been a challenging day. There are good reasons for such negative commands, of course, not least that of their safety in many cases. However, such commands can sound stern and cause stress for the little ones. What’s more, if a child hears too much negative language and cannot understand why they’re not allowed to do a particular thing, problems can begin to arise and, indeed, the issue can become insidious. It may even result in worsening behaviour. Let’s explore, therefore, the issues around negative language and the simple solution that’s available in the form of positive language.
What’s Wrong With Saying No?
There’s nothing wrong, per se, with telling your child not to do something. More often than not, such a ‘negative’ command is given from the need to protect a child — it’s for their own good. The issue is more about how you say it (we’ll come back to that later).
There’s nothing wrong, per se, with telling your child not to do something. It’s more about how you phrase it.
Once babies have become toddlers, they start to explore their surroundings and want to be into everything. It’s all such an adventure for them! However, while it’s fun for them, it’s our job as parents to protect them, and their peers, from harm. When setting boundaries our maturity and experience tells us when things are dangerous. Toddlers just haven’t got that sense of potential danger, though. They therefore may not understand that we are saying ‘no’ or ‘don’t do that’ for their own good.
Sometimes, though, constantly hearing ‘no’ can spark tantrums, particularly if a child doesn’t understand the reason they are not allowed to do something. They can feel particularly frustrated when they receive a succession of negative commands and, in the end, may feel they simply can’t do anything right. This can lead not only to stress for them, but also to possible low self-esteem. Furthermore, if they hear ‘no’ and other negative language too often, they can begin to ‘tune out’ to it. They could then go on to develop challenging behaviour due to this, their confusion and frustration. Stress levels can then rise for the parent too, the infant can pick up on this and it can become a real vicious circle. It doesn’t have to be that way, though …
What to Do Instead – Using Positive Language
The best way to counter a negative result from negative language is to try to use positive phrasing (we’ll come to some examples shortly). The words we choose can significantly influence our children’s behaviour and achievements. So, by changing our tone and choice of words, we can show toddlers an alternative action to what they originally intended to do — all achieved in a positive way.
Positive, encouraging words help children to feel happier about situations. Also, by the child choosing a more positive action, it can make them feel empowered. When they follow positive words and requests, it will bring about a sense of achievement for the child. Suddenly, from their perspective, they chose the ‘right’ course of action rather than coming away feeling that they did something wrong. Gradually, the whole environment at home can become calmer and more positive too. What a contrast this is to the negative alternative!
Examples:
 Stop shouting! |  Please use a much softer voice. |
| Don’t hit people! | Please use gentle hands, so your don’t hurt someone. |
| Do not take his toy! | Let’s find another toy to play with until your friend has finished playing with it. There are plenty to choose from. |
| No, you cannot have a treat! | Please eat your dinner. If you eat enough of your proper food, you can have a treat afterwards. |
| Stop running! | Please stop running otherwise you may bump into something or hurt yourself. Let’s walk together and we’ll get there safely. |
| Don’t throw that ball in the house! | Shall we take the ball into the garden to play? It’s much safer as things won’t get broken outside. |
Remember to praise them when they have followed your suggestion and made the right choice.
Tips:
- Be clear, with simple explanations.
- Provide alternative options — explain what they can do instead of what they can’t.
- Let them know what behaviour you want to see from them.
- Sometimes use a “yes you can, but later” approach.
- Praise them when you see them choose the better alternative.
Before long, your child will catch on and both parent and child will be be more at ease and each will be happy with the results. Indeed, our childcare professionals at Little Cedars Nursery often use this kind of approach — and it works!
High Quality Childcare in our Streatham Nursery & Pre-School
Give your child the best start in life with childcare from Little Cedars Nursery, Streatham
Little Cedars offers under-fives a first class early years education in a safe, homely and nurturing environment. We are an excellent nursery and pre-school in Streatham supplying a first class childcare service to families near Streatham Hill, Streatham Park, Streatham Common and Furzedown as well as Tooting, Tooting Bec, Tooting Broadway, Tooting Common, Balham, Norbury and Colliers Wood.
Please let us know if you’d like to register your baby, toddler or preschooler for a place at the nursery/pre-school. We can show you and your child around, confirm fees, answer any questions and clarify any Government childcare funding options. We’re here to help, so please get in touch:
June 2022 has seen the release of a new set of recommendations that outline ways to reduce the likelihood of sleep-related deaths amongst babies and infants up to the age of 1. This includes, but is not limited to, deaths related to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Sadly, SIDS and other sleep-related issues are responsible for nearly 200 infant deaths in the UK each year and up to a staggering 3,500 every year in the United States. Perhaps even more surprisingly, that last number has not reduced at all in the last 30 or so years. This new set of recommendations from experts in the U.S. aims to change that and is something that all parents need to take a look at if they have a baby or infant. Let’s take a look at the new guidance …
PLEASE NOTE: we have summarised key points from the new guidance in good faith but advise parents/carers of babies and infants to do their own research. 
Once babies can crawl, they’re well on their way to becoming toddlers. Then, in no time at all, they can suddenly become fully mobile, able to climb and even be out of your sight in just seconds. With this new mobility comes exploration, the potential for danger and even possible injury. With that in mind, we bring you 20 ways to begin childproofing your home to keep little ones safer and further from harm’s way.
Safety gates, strategically placed around the home, are a great way to keep your little one confined to a safer, controlled area. There are lots of different types available, whether new or second-hand, but make sure they’re made to UK safety standards. Some are suitable for doorways and others for stairs. Using safety gates to keep young children away from stairs, kitchens and other hazardous places really is a no-brainer and a great place to start with your childproofing exercise.
Clear floor-to-ceiling glass is also a hazard once children are mobile. Therefore such glass, whether part of a window, patio door, glass partition or conservatory should ideally not be clear all the way down. Otherwise, an unsuspecting child — or even adult — could find themselves running straight through what they thought was an opening. An easy way to ensure glass can be seen as a barrier is to use strategically placed stickers dotted around on the glass. These could be fun and attractive, for example little flower or butterfly stickers. Alternatively, you can even buy modern-looking ‘frosting’ strips that, when applied in one or more horizontal stripes or shapes at an appropriate height, will make clear glass more visible to you and your child. Guards are, of course, another possible temporary option.
Whether they’re in the kitchen, on the landing, under the stairs or elsewhere, cupboards can represent a number of possible hazards to children. Fingers can be hurt if shut in the doors or near the hinges and the cupboards themselves can contain any number of dangerous things. Therefore, it’s wise to obtain some childproof locks, latches or catches for cupboard doors that you don’t want your child to be able to open. These are often simple, easy to affix (and remove when children are older) and can be inexpensive if you shop around.
Similarly, ensure that entrance/exit doors throughout your home are secure where they need to be. Front doors, doors to gardens, balconies and patios all need to be particularly well secured from access by young children, whether through locks, latches or specialist childproofing mechanisms (there are lots available on the market). Similarly, windows need to be secure and that’s never more true than when there’s a nasty drop the other side.
Everything with a motor or moving parts is a potential hazard to small children. The obvious items to keep well beyond their reach are tools like drills and saws along with household appliances like vacuums, food mixers and coffee-makers. However, larger things like washing machines, tumble driers, dishwashers and any appliance with a door that they could climb into are also potentially very dangerous for little ones. It may even take a combination of precautions to keep children safe from such hazards.
Another reason to keep little ones out of cupboards and certain areas of the home is to keep them safe from hazardous products. Some things will be poisonous and others may be corrosive. Dishwasher and laundry pods need to be stored well out of children’s reach as do medicines, cleaning products and DIY items like paint, solvents and glues. Any of these could prove fatal if they get into little hands. Remember, too, that children learn to climb, so even cupboards high up need to be secured.
Smoke alarms suitably located around the home are one of the most basic precautions any parent or carer can make. Countless lives are saved each year due to smoke alarms. Sadly, though, many are also lost due to them not being present or due to batteries having expired. So, ensure that smoke alarms are ideally in every room as well as being in hallways, stairwells and so on. Also test them regularly to ensure batteries are in good, working order.
For similar reasons, it’s also wise to keep electrical wire cords tidy and out of reach of little ones. If they were to pull a kettle lead or trip over an electric iron lead, for example, the potential outcomes do not bear thinking about. Cords on telephones and electrical appliances are also choking hazards, of course. So, keep them out of harm’s way i.e. well out of grabbing and tripping distance.
Dangling pull-cords on window blinds have, regrettably, been the cause of several deaths around the world. If they’re dangling down, small children could get these wrapped around their necks and potentially strangle themselves. Any toggle on the end of the cords can also be a choking hazard. So, if you have any of these in your home, ensure they are tied safely out of reach, ideally using the safety fitments that often come with new blinds, or are available inexpensively. The same kind of approach may also be needed in rooms where the electrical light, shower or extractor switch comes in a pull-cord form.
Heat sources are a terrible hazard for children and adults alike. However, little ones will seldom realise the hazards, so parents and guardians need to ensure that all heat sources are kept well out of children’s reach. Examples include hair straighteners, irons, kettles, sandwich makers, pots and pans that have been on the cooker, and so on. With regard to cookers, hobs, grills, and ovens, it’s the children that need to be kept away from them, of course. Even a switched-off oven can still have a door that’s retained enough heat to burn little hands. A combination of several of the precautions outlined in this page may therefore help to make complete safety feasible in the kitchen and anywhere there are appliances that heat up.
Radiators, heaters and, of course, fires, stoves and any other heat source in fireplaces are terribly dangerous things for children. Therefore radiator covers, fire guards, permanent vigilance and a good dose of common sense should enable parents and carers to keep children well away from such heat sources.
Scissors, knives, razors, needles, hand tools like saws and screwdrivers must be locked well away and never left lying around. Even pens and pencils are sharp and dangerous around eyes, when you think about it. So, it’s imperative that parents/guardians are vigilant and supervise at all times when it comes to anything sharp or pointed.
Vigilance will still be needed, however, as bumpers can only go so far.
Table cloths and table runners may look attractive but are another hazard around children, albeit a less obvious one. They look innocuous enough, but should a child grab one end and walk or fall way, they could end up with all sorts of things crashing upon them. When you think about what goes on tables (e.g. glassware, candles, china etc.), this could potentially be disastrous. So, the best advice is to completely avoid their use around young children and certainly never to allow any edges to hang down at ‘grabbing’ height.
Supervised access to the garden or other outdoor space or environment is good for even the youngest of children. However, they must never be allowed to just wander into the garden or street unaccompanied (of course). There are countless dangers outside, including poisonous plants, stranger danger, cars and many other hazards. Even in your own garden there are usually hazards, from steps, inclines and level drops to dangerous garden tools plus another type of hazard we’ll see in our last tip below. Therefore exit points in the property need to be secure (see tip #4 above) and supervised at all times around the very young.
Gardens often have ponds or, if you’re lucky enough, hot tubs and even swimming pools. These are all hazards to young children. Even a puddle is a potential drowning hazard to the very young. It’s the same indoors, with baths and even basins of water being potential drowning hazards. So, once again, parents and any supervising adults need to be doing just that, i.e. supervising anywhere there is water. For different reasons, that’s even more the case around hot water, of course, and anywhere a child could potentially splash or pour water near electrics.