Complete Guide to Authoritative Parenting

Our preceding article explained, in brief, the key differences between commonly discussed parenting styles. Today, we look at one of them, Authoritative Parenting, in much more detail. It’s a style that’s generally well thought of amongst researchers and developmental psychologists, as well as many parents who’ve used the approach. Indeed it is a style that’s often recommended because of the way it balances empathetic nurturing with the application of rules. While it’s important to remember that there is no single ‘best’ parenting style for every situation, authoritative parenting does seem to result in very good outcomes and is thought by many to be the ‘gold standard’ for children and teens. Let’s take a deeper dive.

It’s important not to confuse authoritative parenting with authoritarian parenting. Despite the similar names, the two styles could not be more different. See our Rough Guide to Parenting Styles for a quick overview of the differences.

The Origins of Authoritative Parenting

The Authoritative Parenting model was originally developed at the University of California in 1966 by Diana Baumrind. That said, it has evolved over the decades since, with backing from developmental research. It’s a style that seems to work well for children of all ages as well as teenagers.

Exactly What is Authoritative Parenting?

The authoritative parenting style uses an age-appropriate — and finely-tuned — balance between responsiveness (towards children) and demandingness (from children).

The Responsiveness Element

The responsiveness element of authoritative parenting refers to the high levels of warmth, empathy, love, and understanding shown to the child by the parent. Authoritative parents are deeply attuned to their children’s feelings, needs, abilities, and perspectives. They gauge such things and weigh up the balance at any given time. Only then do they respond, in a way they feel is most appropriate, having borne the bigger picture in mind.

The Demandingness Element

The demandingness element of authoritative parenting refers to the level of control over and desired expectation from their child. Standards and boundaries are enforced but in a very measured, kind, and thoughtful way. Authoritative parents use a two-way communication approach to makes clear what’s expected from their children. They will discuss and explain things, often in advance. In this way, the child not only knows what to expect, but also understands why it is expected. That’s in stark contrast to some of the other parenting models that expect blind obedience without explanation.

What About Discipline?

Strong assertions of parental power and harsh discipline are seldom, if ever, used with the authoritative parenting style. If they are used, it would tend to be only as a last resort and most likely only in a ‘danger’ scenario. An example would be shouting at a child to stop them running out into a busy road.

Achievements Are Celebrated

As well as thoughtful guiding of children, their achievements, however small or large, are celebrated. In this way, positive outcomes are used to further encourage children to continue using a good approach and appropriate behaviour.

Key Elements of Authoritative Parenting:

Likely Outcomes for Children Raised Through Authoritative Parenting

Compared to children raised via other parenting styles, children and adolescents raised through an authoritative parenting approach have very favourable outcomes. This has been backed up by many studies. For starters, they usually perform better academically and are well-motivated to succeed. They are often creative, take the initiative, and are highly curious intellectually. They’re self-reliant and independent, with good self-control and a good awareness of appropriate boundaries. Risk assessment is good. They also tend to be happy, have better mental health, and good emotional regulation. They also have good social skills, are respectful to others, and have a healthy level of self-esteem. They have a healthy level of connection to both friends and parents. Studies also find that children raised by authoritative parents are less likely to go on to misuse drugs or alcohol. It’s a comprehensive suite of benefits.

Are There Any Pitfalls of Authoritative Parenting?

There are few, if any, pitfalls to well-executed authoritative parenting. Perhaps the only consideration relates to the amount of focus, effort, and consistency required on the part of the parents. While such a balance is totally feasible in the most part, perhaps on extra-busy, tiring, or stressful days, one could be forgiven for letting things slip a little.

Final Thoughts

Any parenting style(s) may, of course, require continual adjustment because life seldom travels in a straight, predictable line. For example, when it comes to authoritative parenting, sometimes the balance between warmth and expectations may need to tilt more in one direction than the other. This could be because of a specific scenario. One that involves an urgent safety concern would be a classic example. At other times, however, the balance between the two may tilt back the other way because the situation has changed. In essence, it all comes back to the balance between ‘responsiveness’ and ‘demandingness’ that we discussed earlier. Indeed, it is a fine balance, and it’s not always possible to get it 100% right; parenting is challenging and, at the end of the day, we can only do our best in the circumstances that life throws at us.

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