The Funniest Parenting Quotes This Year
Way back in March 2021, we published a popular — and very funny — post entitled Kids Say the Funniest Things! Featuring over 20 quotes from children, it certainly amused us, as well as many of our readers. With five years having passed since then, we thought another post in a similar vein was long overdue. So today, with that in mind, we bring you over 20 of the funniest parenting quotes that we’ve seen on social media this year. Scroll down and get ready to be amused by ‘The Funniest Parenting Quotes This Year’ — kids and parents can be so comical!
My son brought home a plant he grew in class so I guess I’m in charge of part 2 of the lesson which is how plants die.
Someone asked me today what I thought the toughest part of being a parent was . . . I told them I would have to say it was the kids.
I don’t want to alarm anyone, but according to my toddler, there is a burglar who broke in, not to steal anything, but to pee in his bed. It definitely wasn’t him. Be safe out there everyone.
8yo: Who ate all the cookies? I bet it was dad.
*wiping cookie crumbs off my shirt*
Me: Could’ve been.
Me: I had my first big crush on a girl when I was your age.
My 11yo: wow do you think she’s still alive?
“Goodnight. I hope you wake up in the morning.” — my toddler.
So I’m terrified now.
Nine-year old son last night – “Hey, did you know that frogs can jump higher than the Eiffel Tower?!”
Me: “Um. That’s not true.”
Son: “Because the Eiffel Tower can’t jump.”
(Shoots finger guns at me)
Me: “Ah.”
“Oh, they need a baby picture of me for the teachers wall for parents day.”
Child: “There aren’t any baby pictures of you, right?”
“What? What do you mean?”
Child: “You were born before cameras.”
When my adult daughter was 4 years old she said to me that she wants to be a doctor when she grows up. I was thinking to myself about how good of a parent I am that this kid has goals. Then she said or a dinosaur.
Son: I’m going to go out and bring home a pizza.
My wife: No, the storm has made the roads too treacherous. You could crash and die. Let your father go get it.
On today’s episode of being a parent: I told my 2 year old I need privacy, and she says “me too, let’s have that together.”
Instead of asking “Can you help me carry this?” try “This is probably too heavy for you to carry…”
Follow me for more parenting tips.
Nothing like your 8yo casually walking by with a hammer to pique your curiosity.
What parenting books don’t tell you is that your child’s social life depends on how much you can tolerate the other parents.
I hung a mirror at child height so my kids could brush their hair and get ready. They like to pretend it’s a window and they are talking to other children which is fine and cute except we had guests over and my 3yo said “would you like to meet the children who live in the wall?”
Conversation with my 3-year old today:
Me: “Did you wake up your sister (2 years old) from her nap today?”
Her: “Yes I did”
Me: “Why did you do that?”
Her: “Because I wanted to see if she wanted to wake up”
Ok then.
Nobody warns you that one of the hardest parts of parenting is having to discipline your funny kid with a straight face.
Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
4 yr old: I don’t have any other feet.
Me: Fair enough.
My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, “that’s just 4 things.” So she’s basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.
When my daughter was 4, she saw a commercial that said “brushing alone is not enough to prevent cavities and tooth decay” so she made us start brushing our teeth with her. It’s been 3 years… nobody tell her.
me: a dozen is 12, but a baker’s dozen is 13.
11yo: that makes sense because there’s a kid in my class named Baker who’s bad at maths.
My son on why Caleb is his best friend at kindergarten: “He doesn’t really speak English, so we can skip all the talking and just get right to the karate.”
We hope you enjoyed these amusing quotes by parents as much as we did! Parenting and children are, indeed, the source of much comedy, whether intentional or otherwise. Such is the joy of being part of a family when youngsters are around.
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