Parenting can feel overwhelming at times, especially in the early years when babies, toddlers and preschoolers are growing and changing rapidly. So, it’s natural for parents to self-reflect and ask themselves whether their particular parenting approach is the most appropriate for their child. Are they getting it right? Do they intervene too much, are boundaries too vague, is discipline too lenient, or are they too strict? It’s often difficult to know what’s best. Moreover, what exactly are the differences between gentle parenting, permissive parenting, authoritative parenting and the many other parenting styles? It can be confusing!

In light of such conundrums, today’s guide helps to briefly explain many of the different parenting styles that you may have heard of or read about. These are broad parenting styles that have, over time, been identified by researchers, early years professionals, social media, and the press. They aren’t labels to judge parents by, but helpful ways of understanding how adults can balance warmth, boundaries, involvement and independence to varying degrees. Each combination will affect a child — and outcomes — in different ways. What’s more, your family situation, the child’s age, the stage of their development, and other factors may all play a part in deciding which could be the best fit. Take a look and see which style(s) may be the most appropriate for you and your child.

Authoritative parenting

Authoritative parenting is often seen as a strong, nurturing foundation for early childhood. It’s balanced somewhere between permissive parenting and authoritarian parenting.

With the authoritative parenting style, parents set age-appropriate rules, while children are encouraged to express their feelings and opinions. Parents remain calm, confident leaders and reason with their children. Such an approach can be particularly reassuring for toddlers and preschoolers, who need adults to set safe limits while they learn to better understand the world around them.

Benefits: Children raised with this approach often develop strong self-esteem, emotional regulation, and resilience. They tend to feel secure, understood, and confident in exploring the world. Evidence also suggests that they are higher academic achievers.

Challenges: This style requires time, emotional energy and consistency on the part of the parent, which can sometimes be difficult, for example, during periods of stress or exhaustion.

It’s important not to confuse Authoritative parenting with Authoritarian parenting, which we’ll come to next.

Authoritarian parenting

Authoritarian parenting is a style that’s highly structured, but low in emotional flexibility. With this parenting style, parents expect blind obedience without question, don’t often explain the reasons for rules, and are highly controlling.

Benefits: Children may learn discipline and clear rules quickly.

Challenges: This approach can limit emotional expression, independence and confidence. Some children may comply outwardly while struggling internally, for example, with anxiety and low self-esteem.

Gentle parenting

Gentle parenting uses a relationship-led approach that’s rooted in empathy.

Boundaries still exist, but they are maintained calmly and without punishment. This can be especially helpful in the early years, when babies and toddlers are learning to understand big emotions that they can’t yet control.

Benefits: Gentle parenting supports emotional intelligence, secure attachment and trust. With this approach, children learn that their feelings are valid and manageable, whilst being offered age-appropriate choices within clear boundaries set by parents.

Challenges: If boundaries are allowed to become unclear or inconsistently maintained, gentle parenting can be confusing to the child, or unintentionally drift towards permissive parenting.

Permissive parenting

Permissive parenting (sometimes also known as ‘indulgent parenting’) utilises a loving and warm approach towards children, but is often under-structured due to a reluctance to enforce rules.

The intention is usually to protect the relationship and prioritise happiness, especially during emotionally intense toddler or preschool years. However, this comes at the expense of both structure and consistency, which are limited.

Benefits: Children may feel emotionally supported, have high self-esteem, and feel free to express themselves. They are often also quite resourceful.

Challenges: A lack of clear boundaries can make it harder for children to develop self-regulation. They can therefore become less responsible and lack self-discipline. Limits would otherwise help children feel safe and better understand expectations. Studies have even shown a correlation between a permissive upbringing and sleep problems, as well as somewhat lower levels of academic performance.

Helicopter parenting

Helicopter parenting means that parents are very involved — sometimes too involved — often micromanaging the child’s every move.

Over-intervention (or ‘over-parenting’) can limit opportunities for problem-solving, independence and resilience in children. In early years settings, children benefit from trying things for themselves and learning through trial and error — with a trusted adult close by to offer guidance if needed, rather than stepping in immediately.

Benefits: Children may feel well-supported and protected.

Challenges: Over-involvement can reduce resilience, independence, problem-solving abilities, and confidence, having reduced opportunities for the child to learn from mistakes. It has also been linked to a feeling of entitlement when children are older, anxiety, depression, and more.

Velcro parenting

Velcro parenting denotes a strong level of closeness and a slow level of separation — a kind of hyper-involvement.

With velcro parenting, the parent seems closely attached to the child in every way — physically, emotionally, socially, and so on.  They will shadow their child’s activities and experiences, getting closely involved at every step.

Benefits: Children may feel deeply connected, nurtured, understood, and emotionally secure in their parents’ presence.

Challenges: This style can unintentionally increase separation anxiety and make transitions harder, particularly when babies grow into toddlers and begin nursery or preschool. Independence and resilience may develop more slowly. Parents may also be adversely affected by this parenting style, particularly if the child has, in turn, become a ‘velcro child’ or baby, leading to separation anxiety.

Uninvolved parenting

Uninvolved parenting (also sometimes known as ‘neglectful parenting’) is evidenced by low engagement, a low level of warmth, and limited support for the child.

This parenting style is sometimes linked to external pressures, stress, or a lack of support. It’s important to note that families that it applies to may need understanding and help, rather than judgement.

Benefits: It seems counterintuitive, as a parent, to think of any benefits of uninvolved parenting for a child. That said, children affected may develop independence, self-reliance and problem-solving skills — purely out of necessity.

Challenges: Children may struggle with emotional security, attachment, behaviour and self-worth due to a lack of parental warmth, support, and consistent boundaries.

Is there a ‘best’ parenting style for young children?

Research consistently suggests that approaches combining warmth, responsiveness and clear boundaries — such as authoritative and well-applied gentle parenting — best support children’s emotional wellbeing and long-term development, particularly in the crucial early years from birth to five.

At Little Cedars Day Nursery, we work in partnership with families, recognising that parenting — especially in the baby, toddler and preschool years — is a journey. By understanding these different styles, parents can make informed, confident choices that support their child’s growth, both at home and in early years settings. We may publish more comprehensive information about each individual style in future blog posts, so do come back to our blog area regularly — new articles are added at least twice every month.

Weekday Childcare at Little Cedars Day Nursery, Streatham

Little Cedars is a wonderful Streatham nursery that provides first-class weekday childcare to families with children under five. Perfectly located for those in Streatham, Streatham Common, Streatham Hill, and Streatham Park, we are also conveniently close to those nearby in Tooting, Furzedown, Balham, Norbury, and Colliers Wood. We support free childcare schemes for eligible children aged from just 9 months and have a  ‘Good’ Ofsted rating in all categories.

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