Tantrums are a common part of life with toddlers and under-fives, but when they happen, they can be very challenging! Whether it’s a meltdown at dinner time or a dramatic on-the-floor outburst in the middle of the supermarket aisle, they can test even the most patient of parents and carers. However, it’s important to understand that tantrums aren’t a sign that something is wrong — they’re actually a normal, healthy stage of child development.

Today’s guide aims to offer practical, reassuring advice on how to understand and respond to tantrums, without resorting to shouting or feeling like you’re failing as a parent.

Why Toddlers Have Tantrums

In their early years, children are still learning how to manage big emotions. There’s a mismatch, though; their brains are developing rapidly, but they haven’t yet mastered language, impulse control, or emotional regulation. So, when they’re tired, hungry, overstimulated, or frustrated, it can all become too much for them. That’s when the crying, kicking, shouting, or collapsing to the floor can occur and, considering they’re such small people, it can be quite something!

Tantrums aren’t usually “naughty” behaviour. They’re expressions of overwhelming emotion. A toddler might not be able to say “I’m frustrated because I wanted the red toy, not the blue one,” but they can certainly show it.

What to Do in the Moment

Stay Calm & Composed

When a tantrum starts, staying calm yourself is key. Your child will take emotional cues from you, their trusted adult. If you can remain steady, even if you’re feeling flustered inside, you send the message that you’re in control—and that they’re safe.

Acknowledge Your Child’s Feelings

Try getting down to your child’s level and speaking softly. In the scenario quoted above in green, you could say, “I can see you’re really upset,” or “You’re feeling angry because you wanted something else.” Validating and labelling their emotions lets them know you understand, even if they still can’t get what they want. It also helps them understand and name what they’re feeling.

Make Allowances When They’re Overwhelmed

Avoid reasoning or explaining too much during a tantrum. When a child is overwhelmed, they’re unlikely to take much in. It’s often best to wait it out and stay close so they know they’re not alone. For some children, a gentle touch or hug might be helpful. Others may need a bit of space before they’re ready for comfort.

Focus on Your Child — Not Onlookers

If you’re in public and feel pressure from onlookers, try to block it out. What matters most is your child’s emotional development — not what strangers might think.

After the Storm

Once the tantrum has passed, your child might need a cuddle, a drink, or just a few quiet moments. Talk gently with them about what happened. This isn’t a time for lectures, but a moment to reconnect and help them feel secure again.

Perhaps say something like, “That was upsetting for you. Next time, let’s try using words to tell me how you feel.” Over time, this builds emotional awareness, communication skills, and trust.

Preventing Tantrums (When You Can)

While it’s impossible to prevent every tantrum, there are ways to reduce how often they happen.

• Offering limited choices — like “Would you like to wear the red jumper or the blue one?” — can also give them a sense of control without overwhelming them.
• Being aware of your child’s triggers, such as tiredness or hunger — and planning accordingly — can make outings smoother and transitions easier.
• Routine helps young children feel secure, so sticking to regular mealtimes and bedtimes can also make a big difference.

The Bigger Picture

It’s easy to feel judged, tired, or helpless when dealing with tantrums, especially during a long day or out in public. But every time you respond with calm, connection, and consistency, you’re helping your child build the tools they’ll need to manage emotions as they grow. Tantrums may not disappear overnight, but with understanding, patience, and time, they’ll become less frequent — and far more manageable.

Little Cedars Day Nursery in Streatham

We hope today’s post was useful to parents and carers of children under five. Little Cedars is a childcare nursery in Streatham, near Streatham Hill and Streatham Common and close to Tooting, Furzedown, Balham, Norbury, and Colliers Wood. We provide little ones with a fabulous start to their early years learning and development, and a warm, caring, nurturing environment that brings out the best in them. We’re recognised by Ofsted as a good provider and support free childcare hours for eligible children aged from 9 months to 4 years, including stretched provision over 51 weeks of the year — great for working parents.

If you would like to apply for a nursery place for your child at Little Cedars Day Nursery in Streatham, please click the ‘Apply for a Place’ button below to get started. Alternatively, select one of the other options to get in touch or arrange a guided tour: